Work Isn’t a 4-Letter Word

I once attended a seminar where a learning disabilities expert said something that has stayed with me for years:

A teacher’s job is to teach the child to learn.

A parent’s job is to teach the child to work. 

I think we underestimate the importance of this in society today. Many young people today are leaving high school, and even college, never having worked a job. More broadly, learning to contribute through chores, part-time jobs, or other responsibilities is no longer a routine part of childhood for many families. 

Learning to Contribute

The paradox is that, in trying to protect children from responsibility, we may also be protecting them from opportunities to develop competence, confidence, and independence. By withholding opportunities to contribute we have limited kids’ ability to develop a sense of who they are and what unique talents they have to offer in the world. 

How we contribute in the world plays a significant role in the development of a person’s sense of identity. What am I capable of? What value do I bring to society? When we teach a child skills and give them opportunities to apply their natural gifts in meaningful ways, everyone benefits.

Developing competence and confidence contributes to immediate rewards. When a child learns to mow the lawn or bake cookies, they feel a sense of accomplishment. And that feels good. This is hardwired in humans. We get a squirt of dopamine when we are successful, much like kids do when they reach the next level in a video game. 

Working To Grow

In the absence of meaningful accomplishments, children may become discouraged and develop low self-esteem. This pattern can extend into adulthood, where motivation to learn, grow and challenge oneself is diminished or altogether absent. Alternatively, they may begin looking for easier sources of reward that require little effort or personal growth.

If you are a parent of young children, teach them to work. Help them understand how they can contribute to the family unit. Give them chores to do. A child as young as three can learn to put away toys, feed the dog and wipe up messes. As they grow, provide avenues for them to discover their skills and interests. Help them recognize what they are good at and love doing. 

Every child is gifted with unique talents. It’s every parent’s job to help them figure out what those are. And this isn’t just a job for parents. Everyone in society can support developing talents in themselves and others. 

I wonder how different our communities would look if more people knew their gifts and had the confidence to put them to work.

Thank you for your interest. Follow more of my work on Substack at The Tao te Mitchy, PQ Initiative, and Divergent Ideas.