Jennifer Dater, MS Psychology, specializing in Child Adolescent Development.

After having my first of two children, a whole new world I would embark on as a parent unfolded awkwardly. There is no simple parent manual to assist with day-to-day child-rearing choices. There is certainly a plethora of expert opinions from all walks of life. But no one knows your own child better than you, right?

My son, Sam, attended a private preschool. At the age of three, after a partial year of attending two half days per week, and, as a planned “only child” family, our family made the decision for him to attend three half days per week (Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays) primarily for social interaction with peers on a consistent basis.

His school year was based on the traditional calendar of September through June. Around the month of November, his teacher approached me with observation concerns of Sam’s behavior. As this brief conversation occurred during the busy, and often chaotic, time of pick-up, a more formal conference was scheduled. I still remember the drive home from his school – my hands clutched to the steering wheel, tears welled up in my eyes, and racing thoughts through my mind like a reader board on the highest speed setting. What had I done wrong? What was wrong with Sam? What kind of a mom could I be if I do not recognize there is an issue? And the wheel of self-doubt turned until I pulled into our driveway, removed Sam from his car seat, and walked into our house.

I felt I had done something wrong, missed something about my own child. After many deep breaths, and a few silent pleas to the universe, fear slowly dissipated. I did know my child but as his mom, not as his preschool teacher-a highly skilled educator with an immense passion for early education. I attended the conference to learn more about her concerns and discuss methods of intervention and resources for families. Rather than internalize any issue my son may have had, I made a conscious decision to listen, learn, and partner with his teacher.

As a first-time parent with minimal family support (no extended family such as grandparents, aunts, or uncles), it was difficult to know what normal behavior for my child and healthy developmental milestones were. There were, of course, visits to his pediatrician at the recommended months and ages from newborn to his age of three years old. But it was not until Sam witnessed through the lens of an unbiased educator’s experience and education that opened a door of learning I had thought nothing about. Through collaborative efforts, Sam was observed, evaluated, and diagnosed with a developmental speech-delay. With the help of his pediatrician, his preschool teacher and county services for young children, he received the essential, early intervention to correct the direction of his development. 

Intervention. It can be a frightening word for parents, with many different meanings and connotations. No one wants to think or hear there may be something “wrong” with your child, and as any good educator knows, this would not be the language used with a parent to discuss a concern about development or behavior. Time is of the essence, though if there is an obstacle to development, be it physical, mental, or emotional. As noted, “most classroom-based early interventions do not target specific diagnoses…but focus on broader goals to improve social skills or academic readiness and decrease risk behaviors” (Feil, et al., 2016). Through the years as I have shared this experience, people’s reactions have been mixed. Many suggest Sam would have eventually caught up with his peers around age eight. Others suggested each child develops at their own pace. And still, others wondered why I had taken the observations of a preschool teacher so seriously – it was only preschool, for goodness’ sake! 

I learned early on in parenting, everyone has an opinion and, will share it whether solicited or not. It is time for me to share mine. Most parents do know their young child. Assuming they are the primary caregiver, they know their child quite well including the quirks, imaginary friends, food preferences, favorite stuffed animal, or blanket, etc. But as parents, we do not typically see or know our child in a school setting, interacting with their peers and other adults. However, our children’s teachers do. And these educators see our children through the eyes of skilled, experienced, educated professionals who genuinely want what is best for their students, your children. Parents misunderstand the purpose of intervention. Many are fearful a label will be placed on their child, and this will follow them through their life in a negative context. Per Klatte et al, intervention is a “collaboration of mutually supportive interactions which knowledge and skills are shared, mutual understandings occur, and shared decisions are made” (2023). Partnering is imperative for the overall school readiness and healthy, holistic development of all children. As parents, it is our responsibility to listen to what our children’s teacher’s concerns may be. It is also our responsibility to follow through with recommendations that may positively benefit our children’s development. Listening, exchanging ideas, and implementing action plans benefit your child.

So, the next time your child’s teacher asks for a minute of your time, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and listen with your heart and the welfare of your child in mind. There just may be an issue you were unaware of and are now presented with the opportunity to build a stronger network of support with educators who care enough about your child to intervene.

References

Feil, E. G., Small, J. W., Seeley, J. R., Walker, H. M., Golly, A., Frey, A., & Forness, S. R. (2016). Early intervention for preschoolers at risk for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: Preschool First Step to Success. Behavioral Disorders, 41(2), 95–106. https://doi.org/10.17988/0198-7429-41.2.95

Klatte, I. S., Ketelaar, M., de Groot, A., Bloemen, M., & Gerrits, E. (2024). Collaboration: How does it work according to therapists and parents of young children? A systematic review. Child: Care, Health & Development, 50(1), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1111/cch.13167